Getting pregnant was always easy for me. My pregnancies were always trouble free, classic textbook cases. I never had nausea, my weight gain was reasonable, and my deliveries were fast and easy. I know that I am one of the “lucky ones”. I became a mother for the first time on Thanksgiving Day 2012. We welcomed a beautiful, healthy baby boy. My husband and I’s first conversation was one of awe –  “Can you believe we actually made that?!”; “He is literally a piece of you and a piece of me.”; “We could have had a child with any other person in the world, and never would this specific person been born… only you and I could have made him.”; “He has your dimples!”; “He has your toes!”

Fast forward a few weeks and I found myself, full of postpartum hormones, watching a documentary on surrogacy. My husband came home from work to find me holding our newborn and crying on the couch. This was my introduction to infertility. I was crying because there were people in the world who would never experience the wonder of having a biological child. There were people who would never get to sit with their newborn and pick out which features belonged to them while also seeing their spouse’s features looking back. There were couples out there who would never experience the unique connection with their spouse that occurs when you two are solely responsible for the creation of another beautiful human being. It was at that moment that I told him that I wanted to become a gestational surrogate. I wanted to allow another couple to experience the wonders of parenthood. I wanted to change someone’s life.

Fast forward several more years, and we welcomed a little girl on Groundhogs Day 2015. Our family was complete. It was at this time that we began seeking out information on gestational surrogacy. I always say “we”, because surrogacy never included just me. Surrogacy was a family decision. With it being such a long and potentially difficult journey, the support of my husband and children was important. After months and months of research, I chose to use an agency. I had looked into going through a lawyer and I had looked into going directly to a couple, but with the many layers that are involved with surrogacy, I ultimately decided that I needed a team to help me navigate the crazy maze that is the world of infertility. If I were to give any person considering surrogacy a piece of advice, whether they be the surrogate or intended parents, I would highly suggest using an agency. I, personally, settled on ConceiveAbilities. They held my hand and guided me through the intricate process, some of which I didn’t even know existed. The help I received from my agency is partially what made my surrogacy journey such a breeze.

In September 2016, we were officially matched. It had taken nearly a year to go through the application process, medical workups, psychological evaluations, home visit, etc. We were paired with the most absolutely wonderful couple that you could ever imagine. They were, and still are, the most genuinely enjoyable people I have ever met. We hit the match jackpot!

We transferred one perfect embryo in January of 2017. The intended parents were hesitant to get excited, and rightfully so after their series of disappointments. Two weeks later we found out that we were officially pregnant! HOW EXCITING! (The intended parents later told me that it never really became real to them until just before we delivered.)

The most important part of the surrogacy to me was making sure that the baby’s parents were included as much as possible. The mother had already missed out on the possibility of carrying their child, and I didn’t want her to lose out on any other parts of the journey. I sent belly pictures every other week and put the intended parents on speakerphone for every doctor’s appointment. When possible, I made sure to video call them into sonograms as well. I even put belly buds (baby headphones) on my stomach multiple times a week to play the sound of the parents’ voices so that the baby might recognize them at birth.

I was blessed to have intended parents who wanted to be involved. They visited a couple times throughout the pregnancy. They came for both of the anatomy scans and also for the hospital tour. We, along with my doctor, also decided that when the baby was born that the intended mother would “catch” the baby and she was also able to announce the gender at birth.

With the surrogate pregnancy being my third, we thought for sure that I would go into labor early or right around the due date… not so! The little stinker came 5 days late. The intended parents had been in town waiting for nearly two weeks before he arrived. The delivery was an amazing experience. To see their excitement and watch their happiness unfold following the birth was something that can’t be put into words. While their lives were changing in that moment, mine was too. The beauty of humanity was shining bright at 2:35 AM on October 11, 2017. Joy was exuding from every person – from the parents to the hospital staff and of course to myself. On that day my “intended parents’ became just “parents”, and I have never been so proud.

Following the delivery we took a picture with all of our family members together. The new dad aptly called the photo “Our Modern Family”, and I don’t think there could be any better caption for it. We’re all family now, bound together by the love and admiration for a little guy who has no idea the impact he’s made on the world already.

During the pregnancy I was very open with others about the fact that the baby didn’t belong to us. It was great to start the surrogacy dialogue with others and help bring awareness to those 1 in every 8 couples who struggle to start their families. I enjoyed talking about our journey and dispelling any myths. I can’t tell you the number of times that I had to say “I’m not giving up my baby. I’m giving back theirs.” or “No, it won’t look like me.” During the process I became very passionate about gestational surrogacy and have since tried to advocate for those struggling with infertility and those amazing ladies who give of themselves to make others’ dreams come true. I’ve had people tell me that it is just “weird” to carry another person’s child. I hope that, with time and a lot of open dialogue, society can see surrogacy for what it is – a beautiful journey, where with a little compassion and a whole lot of trust, wishes are answered, and dreams come true.  

Read part three of our “Three Journeys of Infertility” series on Thursday December 13th when Regina tells her inspiring story and how her persistence inspired her community.